Hi everyone,

Have been reading some days but just couldn't put any words down, have been in such a bad place and desperatly wanted
to be with my darling Pete, but my friend and my cruse councillor made me see my gp to get help, I am now on anti deppresants
and am feeling a little better. Our children did not realise how bad I was because they were trying to cope with their own grief and
I didn't tell them what was going on in my head, they were really upset with me for not telling them, but things are on the right track now.

Our daughter and her family arrived from Scotland on Saturday for 2 weeks and today we laid Pete to rest at our village
churchyard, they have a special area to inter ashes and our sons and our daughter went this morning to dig the grave
themselves and this afternoon we took Pete up and I managed to put him in the grave, two weeks ago he was going nowhere,
I was not ready to part with him, but today I knew I had to do this for him. I miss him so much and I will always love him. The vicar
said some prayers and our daughter asked him to read a beautiful verse and afterwards we all put messages on special memorial
balloons and let them float to the clouds, the grandchildren were so excited to see whose balloon reached grandads star first. It was such
a lovely day.

On Saturday we are taking a memorial bench to Port Lympne Animal Park in Kent, where we spent so many lovely hours together and as
a family, and it is being put in Petes favourite place with his beloved tigers who he painted often. He was a wildlife artist and he had sold at
International Exhibitions, he had so much more to give and hopefully wherever he is he will carry on his beautiful work.

I am so glad that Jenni has found something that is making her life a little more bearable, Pete would be so pleased for her, and I hope you
all are having better days.

I hope I dont upset or offend anyone with what I have written

Love to you all

Carol XXXX

Oh Carol, no way will you have offended anyone with what you have written!
Pete was obviously a very special person and I can tell by what you write that you are too.
So sorry to hear about your depression but I'm glad your GP has given you antidepressants, they will help.
Please keep posting on here and we can try to support you through this dreadful time.
You must be exhausted after today, but it sounds to have been a beautiful service, I loved the way your grandchildren sent ballons up to Grandad's star.
Sending you lots of love and hugs Carol, I really feel for you.
Love, Doreen xx

Oh Carol - how could you possibly have upset us? You are such a warm, loving person and we feel priviledged to be able to share (in as very small way) in your journey. I have never experienced what you are going through but Ann has, and her thoughtful, sensitive post moved me to tears. She is always such a positive, outgoing and caring person and her post will have given you lots of hope.

Take care, Carol, and do keep posting.

Love Jeanxxx

Dear Carol,

I just want to express my sympathies and to you let you know you are in my thoughts

x x
Joanna

Carol, I'm glad you had help from your GP. My sister experienced the same thoughts and feelings as you have just been through and I think if it hadn't have been for her daughter, she too wanted to be with Michael.

I would love to see some of Pete's work, he sounds to have been an amazing and very talented man. Do you have any of his work at home?

Keep telling us about your lovely Pete, it's so lovely to get to know the man.

Dear Carol

So sorry you have been soo ill . Glad GP has helped you.
Pete was obviously very special to you. I also had a bench dedicated for my
Mum at a local church yard which to me is very special.

Get strong everyone on here is thinking of you

Rose

Dear Carol

Thank you for having the courage to put a post up for us and allowing us to share your very acute grief with you. What a difficult and painful journey you are having to travel without dear Pete. I m so glad you have your wonderful family around you and your special ceremony sounds just right and wonderfully personal.

Very glad you got the help from your GP that you needed and you have a good friend and counsellor. Take your time and try to be kind to yourself. Loss is a physical as well as emotional shock to the system.

Thank you again and take great care,
Love from
Liz
xx

Dear Carol

I read your post with tears in my eyes- not because you have upset me, but because it was so beautiful and touching.



I echo what Barbara says- you are one of us! Keep in touch.

Much love

Maria x

I've been there too Carol such a dreadful shattering time that you think may never get better; it does, but only very slowly.and the "time heals" idea is rubbish, it doesn't, it just eases the immediate pain of losing your someone special.
I wrote a booklet after my husband died, for the local Funeral Director, who had so many widows struggling with the ups and downs of such a devastating bereavement and didn't know how to help, could try and print one for you if you think it might help? Much love anyway, from Lyliexx